Did your parents often demand an unrealistic level of perfection of you but then they belittle and criticize when you can’t live up to their lofty ideals? As a result you learn to be insecure and are often convinced that you are unlovable. Sometimes you have trouble expressing yourself and are fearful that speaking out will result in loss of others' love. Your self-esteem is squashed.
High Achiever/Perfectionist
Children of Narcissists/BPD
People outside the family are rarely aware of the problems occurring within your family as narcissistic individuals are secretive and usually highly skilled at putting on a public face. In fact, your parents are often very charming and personable. However, they often have no respect for you.
Most children of narcissistic parents suffer abuse for many years and usually carry the problems into their adult lives Adult children of narcissists:
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Often don’t realize their parent is mentally ill until they seek therapy for depression or anxiety.
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Tend to experience feelings of shame
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Sometimes use drugs, alcohol, or gambling, to cope with the pain and may require drug and alcohol treatment or rehab to address their addiction.
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May not understand what a normal healthy relationship is like. As a result, they continually stay in unhealthy relationships with partners who are judgmental, demeaning, and abusive.
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Constantly try to please others at the expense of their own happiness.
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Tend to feel selfish when expressing their own needs and wants.
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Blame themselves for the abuse or for feeling worthless flawed and unlovable.
Why Therapy?
Getting on track with a whole healthy life isn’t easy for children of narcissistic parents. If you are struggling, here is how I can help you:
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Learn about narcissism and how your parent’s illness affected you.
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Give yourself permission to grieve the fact that you’ll never have the type of parent you needed.
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Practice assertive communication and establish firm boundaries to take care of your own needs without guilt or shame.
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Create healthy distance from your narcissistic parent to honor your own well-being.
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Heal the damage break out of destructive behavior patterns and learn to create healthy relationships.
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Learn to love your children unconditionally.
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Manage your tendency to self-medicate your pain and sorrow.
